This week I’ve been thinking about relationships and how so many people wish for things they don’t have or what others have. Perhaps thinking the grass is greener on the other side but is it really?
To help me share my thoughts on the subject, I turn to Jane Austen who wrote my fave book Pride and Predjudice and had a few things to say on the matter of love.
Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then (Mr Bennet in P & P by Jane Austen).
This post came out of a conversation with a work colleague who was talking about their partner and saying that how they were not what they would look for in an ideal partner but she had realised she couldn’t change him and was putting up with the relationship in some ways. She said that she didn’t know anyone completely happy in their relationship.
This makes me sad. As a single woman I am determined to wait for someone special to share my life with. I am pretty independent and not scared of waiting right now. Settling scares me more – the thought that you would look across at your partner and think about all the things you wish they were instead of all the things they are.
Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. (Charlotte Lucas in P & P by Jane Austen).
I don’t think Jane Austen believed this quote uttered by Charlotte in P & P before her marriage to the bumbling Mr Collins otherwise she would have married and taking the gamble herself. I don’t believe it either. I think marriage is hard work and you need love, trust, honesty and friendship. Of course compromise is needed. You’re never going to find someone perfect, no-one is but I do think they need to tick your requirements in a partner or you’ll always wish for something more.
To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.
Above all, I’d like to meet someone to share things with, someone to support and take care fo me, to have fun with, to make me laugh and hold me when I cry, someone I can trust and be honest with, someone to make me a better person through their love and someone to have a family with.
It may sound a straight forward list but talking to people I know it actually seems to be harder and harder to find. And my previous experiences have fallen way short.
You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased (Mr Darcy, P & P by Jane Austen).
(Photo from BBC)
And there is the subject of wanting what you can’t have. My coupled friends who wish they were single and me who wishes I wasn’t. I think the best advice for both camps is not to wish for things you don’t have, not to wish to be on the other side but to make sure that you are happy in your side.
Happiness does not depend on that perfect man but on yourself. If you find yourself wishing for something, ask yourself if you are truly happy and what would make you happy. The answer isn’t as always easy as you might think!
I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me (Eliza Bennet in P & P , Jane Austen).
I’d love to hear your thoughts,
Ps: I admit it, I want Mr Darcy! Is that so bad?