When belief slips

Last week I saw Leona Lewis live and at the end of her show, she left this thought up for the audience:

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

The show was a journey through love and heartbreak (matching the theme of her album Glassheart) and this ending to me said that just because you’ve loved and lost, something wonderful is around the corner. Don’t give up believing in love just because a love has ended. But you can apply it to life in general.

The phrase has stuck with me ever since. It reminded me of my ‘believe’ tattoo, which I got to inspire me to believe both in myself and that my dreams will come true. It’s hard sometimes to keep up this positive line of thought. When you’ve had disappointments or you’re just stuck waiting to find out what will happen, you start to question yourself and that demon on your shoulder pops up – you know the one, the one that says what you want won’t happen or tells you you’re not good enough for it to. The one that fills you up with self-doubt and conjures up the fear that that wonderful thing your waiting for will never appear.

I wrote a poem recently where I let out all the worries I had. Reading it back now you can see that the self-doubt demon was well and truly present:

Scared I’ve made a mistake

Waiting for my dreams to come true

Feeling like I’m not good enough

All my positivity feels fake.

My ambition is mocking me

The grey clouds of doubt circle above

All I hear is silence 

Maybe I no longer believe. 

Haunted by fear I’ll fail

Wishing I could see a sign

Trust in me fading fast

My hope preparing to set sail. 

So I’m trying to get my confidence back and to stay positive that good things are around the corner. I think belief is something you have to re-do over and over again. Something you have to use to push that self-doubt demon away on a regular basis. We all know writers struggle with believing in ourselves and I really am struggling right now.

I was grateful for the message in that concert. I really needed to hear it and I’m going to try to feel it this week.

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How do you get back belief when you feel it slipping away?

Victoria

xoxo

This time of year

I can see the shimmering fairy lights reflected in your eyes

All the mistakes from the past year gone in a gold glow

The fire crackles turning cold hearts warm

Anger, fear and regrets can wait until the snow melts

This is my favourite time of the year.

Christmas wishes whispered to the fairy on top of the tree

She promises possibilities if we just believe

The glittering glint of the ornaments puts a smile on our faces

If we just let heartbreak go then love can find us

This is my favourite time of the year.

The cold outside can’t touch us in here

Christmas songs serenade us, wrapping us in warmth

We were lost in our lives until now

The season reminds us that all our dreams that can come true

This is my favourite time of the year.

Eating treats and clinking glasses it’s clear that

The best present of all is under this tree

Nothing will hurt us today and don’t worry about tomorrow

If Christmas brings out the best in us

Then let’s carry it for the rest of the year.

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Victoria

xoxo

Is poetry still relevant?

Today is National Poetry Day in the UK and I dutifully shared one of my favourite poems on Facebook and Twitter:

In what might be called a very modern way, I discovered this poem through a film. It is recited in Charlie St Cloud and I love how inspiring it is. A modern film using poetry is pretty rare these days. In fact, we seem to rarely discuss poetry at all. So, is it still relevant?

I should say that I do not consider myself a poetry expert at all. Occasionally, a poem pops into my head and I share them on this blog, I also see poems pop up on some of my favourite blogs sometimes and we all seem to write them to capture a particular moment or feeling we are having. Sometimes a poem seems to be the best (and only) way to describe something and writing it out helps either quell the feeling or make sure you remember it. Poems feel more emotional to me than just writing in prose.

However, I rarely read poems for pleasure. I have a book of poetry in the house but most of the poems in it are REALLY old, ones that we had to read in school and even though they cover the big themes like death and love and everything in between, they are mostly from a time far removed from our own. At the big celebrations in our lives – marriage or funerals, poems are reeled out but again, they are mostly what we know as “the classics”. A time when language and emotion were treasured. When poems were not only relevant but romantic. And were a way for people to communicate. I suspect only a few people could recite a modern poem. Poems seem to have slipped out of our consciousness as time has moved on, in a way that books have not.

I think it’s a shame that poems don’t seem to be revered in the same way today. I think they can have relevance to us. Poems can still stir emotions and capture moments and feelings in a simple and concise way that literature cannot. Perhaps schools play a part in this and should explore more than “the classics” and encourage people to write them. I suspect National Poetry Day won’t make a mark on much of the population but hopefully it will spur some people to pick up a poem that they wouldn’t usually and discover the treasure within.

Is poetry relevant to you?

Victoria

xoxo

 

Autumn arrives

 

Tree outside my window in autumn

The temperature cools spreading a chill through the air

The leaves sway in the breeze

Transforming our world from green to red, orange and yellow

Our cheeks pink and glowing

Scarves wrapped tightly around our necks and jackets pulled across our chest

Pumpkins carved, fireworks lit and chestnuts toasted

Kicking the leaves from the path with your boots

Crunching and crackling underfoot

Possibilities arrive with the change of season

Breathe it in, make your wish

And leave the memories of summer behind you.

What does autumn mean to you?

Victoria

xoxo

When the road forks

Possibilities float on the horizon

Fear holds back the journey forward

Leaps of faith put off again and again

Insecurity turns you in another direction

But the path is waiting for your shoes to tread

Open arms that secure the brave and propel them onwards

Light dances on the mountains for those willing to climb

The peak there for anyone who seeks it

The easy road waits but the hard road beckons

For those who do not have to be led

You just have to choose.

Lost in a daydream

The window offers endless possibilities

Stretching out across a bright blue sky

Following the birds towards the horizon

Don’t know what we will find there

Outside of me lies the chance to be free

 

Lying on the spongy grass daydreaming

Tracks laid by planes flying far away

Following their journey to the stars

I wonder what they will find there

Leaving home for their chance to be free

 

Swinging gently, feet making shadows

Pink polish glittering in the summer light

Feeling lost sitting here alone

All I have are the dreams that fill my heart

And the hope that I will soon be free

 

Victoria

xoxo

Hope vs Doubt

Battling hope versus doubt
Facing ups then downs
Loneliness taps the shoulder of freedom
Passion locks itself on my heart

Drumming my fingers on the table
My heart hammers in my chest
Fighting with myself
Pressure to reach success

Self belief versus expecting failure
Pushing on up the hill
It’s a long climb to reach the stars
Feels like too obstacles in my way

Battling hope versus doubt
The world versus just me
Smiling, hoping tears won’t blind me
Waiting for the rainbow after the rain

Victoria

xoxo

My favourite poems

April is national poetry month so I thought I’d seize the opportunity to post about my favourite poems. I occasionally write poetry but it always feels too personal to share. Plus I don’t think they’re actually very good. And I really can’t claim to be a poetry expert. I probably couldn’t tell you why a poem is good compared to on that isn’t but, much like art, I know what I like.

I first read this poem at school. It’s probably one that all English teachers share with their classes but it struck a cord with me and somehow it’s become one of my favourites. I can’t really explain why, it just moves me. And I guess that’s really all that matters.

Christina Rossetti – Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
         Gone far away into the silent land;
         When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
         You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
         Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
         And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
         For if the darkness and corruption leave
         A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
         Than that you should remember and be sad.
 
The next poem is one that came to my attention through a book set at a boarding school by Anne Digby where someone stole someone’s poem with lines from this one included in it. I was reminded of it again reading John Green’s A Fault in our Stars. It is beautiful and tragic all at the same time.
 
Emily Dickenson – A certain shant of light
 
There’s a certain slant of light,
On winter afternoons
That oppresses, like the heft
Of cathedral tunes.Heavenly hurt it gives us;
We can find no scar,
But internal difference
Where the meanings, are.

None may teach it anything,
‘T is the seal, despair,
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the air.

When it comes, the landscape listens,
Shadows hold their breath;
When it goes, ‘t is like the distance
On the look of death.

I first heard this poem in the film Charlie St Cloud and I find it inspiring and hopeful.

E. E Cummings – Dive for dreams

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)
honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at the wedding)
never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for good likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth)
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves, since Doom
(with white longest hands
neating each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds
-before leaving my room
i turn, and (stooping
through the morning) kiss
this pillow, dear
where our heads lived and were.

I found this poem through a blog a while ago and I’ve shared it before. Again I find it inspiring and I believe in its message.

Nobody but you – Charles Bukowski

nobody can save you but
yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible
situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and
force
to make you submit, quit and /or die quietly
inside.

nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them.
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless
being?
do you want to experience
death before death?

nobody can save you but
yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.

think about it.
think about saving your self.
your spiritual self.
your gut self.
your singing magical self and
your beautiful self.
save it.
don’t join the dead-in-spirit.

maintain your self
with humor and grace
and finally
if necessary
wager your self as you struggle,
damn the odds, damn
the price.

only you can save your
self.

do it! do it!

then you’ll know exactly what
I am talking about

It may not be classed as a poem but this Bible verse always struck me as having poetic sentiment and to me is more romantic than a lot of romance poems:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Cor 13:4-13

Finally, I had to include my favourite Shakespeare Sonnet:

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Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer’s lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft’ is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

What’s your favourite poem?

Victoria

xoxo

Follow your dream

I found this motivational poem that I wanted to share with you all:

Follow Your Dreamby Amanda Bradley

Follow your dream.
Take one step at a time and don’t settle for less,
Just continue to climb.
Follow your dream.
If you stumble, don’t stop and lose sight of your goal
Press to the top.
For only on top can we see the whole view,
Can we see what we’ve done and what we can do;
Can we then have the vision to seek something new,
Press on.
Follow your dream.

Victoria

xoxo

Never Look Back

I can’t believe it’s all over for another year! Now we’re in the lull before new year where we all take the opportunity to look back on 2011 and prepare ourselves for 2012.

I thought it would be a good moment to share a poem I wrote earlier this year. I don’t write poetry that often but it sums up what I want to say at this point.

Never Look Back

If I never look back, never look back
Then the past will no longer ensare me
And I can start to chase my future destiny
If I never look down, never look down
I’ll fly high to the stars in the sky and be free
To make all of my dreams reality.

This year has been full of ups and downs. My writing dream both invigorates and imprisons me. I’ve been both frustrated and inspired. I’ve experienced rejection and hope. I’ve realised detemination and persistence is the only way forward.

And now I face decisions, plans and resolutions that I feel both fear and excitement about. It’s time to take stock and to face a new year.

Time to acquire self belief. Time to move forward.

Never look back? I guess we all have to sometimes so we can learn from our past but we shouldn’t be shackled by it.

Never look down? I hope we all aim for the stars this year.

Vix

Xx

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