Sunday I managed a near impossible feat and read a book in a day! Sitting out in the garden and soaking up the sun, I listened to songs and finished the book. I wish every Sunday could be like that. I did however get a couple of burnt patches where I had missed the suncream. Opps!
Anyway, moving on to the topic of the post. The book I read was Desires of the Dead by Kimberly Derting. This was the sequel to The Body Finder, a brilliant read about a girl called Violet who has a talent for finding dead bodies – yes it does what it says on the tin!
Despite the paranormal slant to the books, a lot of the plot centres around Violet and her best friend Jay and the fact they begin to fall in love and start a relationship. This got me thinking about how closely romantic relationships are linked to friendship.
In my experience, it’s hard to be just friends with a man. Either one of you develops an unrequited crush or you try a relationship in the end. This could either go very badly - as it has done for me before, or work out and you end up with your soul mate for life. I think you need a foundation of friendship to get you through your years together, either turning from friends into a couple or ensuring you build that friendship as you grow together.
I would like to meet someone who is also my best friend and by that I mean someone you can rely on, someone loyal who will support you, someone you can go to for advice, someone who will stretch you and encourage you to be the best you can be, someone who will listen and someone you can have fun and laugh with.
I think it’s sad when I go out to restaurants or cafes and see a couple dully sitting there with nothing to say to each other, not even a smile to send across the table to one another. I would find that pretty soul-destroying if that were me. If you decided to make the journey through life with someone, you’ve got to be able to find some joy in it together or there’s no point.
Have you ever got together with a friend? Do you think friendship is important in a relationship?
Posted by Victoria-writes on April 11, 2011
Sex and The City – a favourite show of mine and I’m going to use as my example for the blog post today.
Friends vs husbands.
When you’re younger you have lots of friends and you see them regularly - at school or a club, then as you grow up your friendship group tends to shrink as you develop a set of close friends to hang out with - and shop, gossip and have some wine with! I developed such a set – three friends as a group and another friend who I saw separately, all I had gone to school with and kept in touch with through Uni and the return home.
But when you grow older things change. You grow up and want to do different things. And then the husbands arrive.
Out of those four friends – 2 are married with babies, 1 lives with someone and the other I’ve drifted from. I’m still close to the coupled friends but we see each other much less – maybe once a month. Their priority is, of course, now their husbands, partners and child.
So is there a point when friendship groups shift, you become less of such a group because they have found their life partners??
Take Sex and The City…..
Carrie and the girls were all about their friendship, that is until they met their men and then they drifted. The last episode’s closing scenes showed the four girls together but the last scene was Carrie talking to Big – their love story became more important that the foundation of the show – the friendship of 4 single ladies in NYC. The film tried to create false conflict in the relationships to bring them back together because it was obvious they were less as friends if they were happy with their men.
There is no blame here. It is natural shift in life as you move from being single to having a family and priorities change. But it sad to lose that connection you have with your friends and quite hard when you’re single to watch them drift away.
I think 2011 is the year to change all this for me – try and reconnect with my friends, start a new hobby and meet new people and maybe check out the dating websites (eeek!) because I want my happily ever after as well.
Sex and the City – a man comes into the group and the dynamic changes.
Look forward to hearing your thoughts,
Posted by Victoria-writes on January 28, 2011