All posts tagged life

Turning thirty

Today is the start of March – the month that I turn thirty in (the 20th just so you know!). I don’t know why it seems like such a significant birthday. I think it used to be the age when you were supposed to have everything sorted out, be married with a family and basically become a GROWN-UP. The media definitely seemed to think that once you hit your thirties and you are single, you were a spinster likely to be eaten by Alsatians. See Bridget Jones for starters.

When I was younger, I saw thirty as a big, scary, far-off age, kind of old actually but now I’m here, I realise I don’t feel that different to when I was that teenager. I don’t feel all that grown-up and thirty doesn’t seem to herald the end of everything if you have’t ticked off all the life lists when you get there. Maybe this is because people are doing things older now, we live longer so thirty is seen as still young and it’s harder to do the life lists things like buying a house as it’s so freaking expensive.

There’s a still a whole bunch of articles around about what you should have done by the time you hit thirty or how to cope with your birthday (yes I may have Goggled turning 30) but getting to this age has taught me that you can’t be what others think you should be – you can only do what you want to do and when you want to do it.

There’s a song by the Dixie chicks that I can relate to called”The Long Way Around”:

Well I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I’m gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Takin’ the long way
Takin’ the long way around

It makes me feel better that maybe I’m not married with kids or living in my own house but that’s okay, I can do things my way. Right now, I’m focused on my writing career. It took me a while to realise that writing was what I wanted to do with my life and fighting to make this dream come true is what’s important to me. My thirty wish is to get a book deal and while some people may think that’s great or others can’t understand, it doesn’t matter – what matters is that it’s my wish. You can’t live your life based on other people’s wishes, we all do things in a different way and a different time. There’s no RIGHT way to live your life. It’s your life after all.

I have got lots of lovely things planned this month to make sure turning thirty is full of fun. And I may have a couple of wobbles about hitting this age but I will remember this:

inspirational-life-photography-quotes-road-Favimcom-251145_large

How do you or did you feel about turning 30?

Victoria

xoxo

36 Comments
by Victoria-writes on March 1, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in inspiration, Life, Musings
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Posted by Victoria-writes on March 1, 2013

http://victoria-writes.com/2013/03/01/turning-thirty/

Your Character Arc

One of my favourite parts of a story whether reading or writing one myself is following the arc the main characters take. I like to see their flaws, the personality traits that cause them problems, the weaknesses that make them human and the journey they take to identify these traits and conquer them. It’s a satisfying feeling at the end to know they have become the people they always had the potential to be.

The traits that make characters imperfect are the most interesting ones for me. I like reading about a gorgeous boy like most of us but I prefer him to have a weakness that makes him real. In fact, my favourite book Pride and Prejudice has it’s main characters weaknesses in the title and the story is about how they grow to recognise these and realise that their imperfections make them a perfect fit is what I love most about it.

“I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit…. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous” – Mr Darcy
 

I would imagine most of us have a trait that we recognise can be a weakness and can hold us back in our lives. Of course, in real life it’s harder to conquer them then it is a book when the author is pulling the strings and can finish with the story with everything all tied up in a pretty bow. Life is always messier than fiction. If my life was a book and I was the main character, the trait I’d most like to conquer would be my tendency to worry. I would love to be more laid back but instead I am constantly anxious and overanalysing things that are really a waste of my time. I stress myself out, making myself wake up at three am and running things over in my mind even though there is nothing I can actually do about them. It’s usually a complete waste of energy.

I recognise my weakness and I try to stop myself worrying over small things even though I struggle every time. I know that my tendency to worry is linked to my indecisiveness, my aversion to change, my love of planning and my impatience. I just wish it was as easy to conquer them as it is to recognise them. I’d like to think that at the end of my story I might have more of a handle on them, that I could complete my very own character arc one day. Because I know these traits make who I am and we shouldn’t try to be anyone else but we also shouldn’t let our traits hold us back or stop us from doing what we want to do.

I think that’s a point of character arc – you don’t want the person to become someone different at the end of the story, you just want them to turn the traits that were weaknesses into strengths, to see them learn from their mistakes and to follow their journey to make their dreams come true.

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What trait would you wish to conquer if you were a character in a story?

Victoria

xoxo

22 Comments
by Victoria-writes on December 5, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Musings, Writing
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Posted by Victoria-writes on December 5, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/12/05/your-character-arc/

Who you used to be

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.
Mary Pickford

I was watching Revenge last night and it got me thinking about the role of the past in people’s lives, both fictional and real. If you haven’t seen the show, it’s about a girl whose father was convicted of a crime he didn’t commit and then murdered in prison who plots to get revenge on the people who framed him. The past defines her, her actions are a direct consequences of the anger and betrayal she feels and she can see no future until she punishes those responsible.

When writing, it’s important to think about the past of our characters and how that might be shaping them now. I’ve always liked stories where a character is damaged by their past but through the story learns to move on from it. I think that always makes a great story and also one that resonates with all of us. Because unless you’re very lucky we all have some kind of demon from our past that can impact our present or future – it could be heartbreak, grief, a mistake or being a victim of a crime. And different people will be affected differently – some find it easy to move on, others struggle with future relationships.

It’s easy to let the past define us – to constantly regret what we’ve said or done and mess up our present and future because we feel angry or guilty or sad, but the past can also be used positively. It should make us stronger and wiser now – show us what we don’t want or how we want to be now. Everyone makes mistakes but learning from them makes you a better person in the end.

Stories like Revenge will always appeal – who hasn’t thought about getting their own back of people who have hurt us? But even if you did do that, I don’t think it would change how you feel in the long run because you would feel guilty about it – the best revenge is just to let those people go and not let them hold you back or stop you from being the person you are meant to be. Because letting the past rule your future will only make you unhappy.

 

You don’t have to be the person you used to be – you can be anyone you want to be.

How do you stop your past from defining you?

Victoria

xoxo

23 Comments
by Victoria-writes on August 14, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Musings
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Posted by Victoria-writes on August 14, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/08/14/who-you-used-to-be/

Keep it simple

 

I saw this photo being shared on Facebook and I knew I had to grab it for a blog post. I love the idea behind this image – I have been way too guilty about not doing some of these things in the past, over-analysing people’s actions and what actions I should take myself, and giving in to fear too much. It’s true we only get one shot at life, as far as we know, and letting these things pass us by just causes regrets and what-ifs.

I over-complicate things far too much. I want to live like this – keep it all simple and do what I want to in a moment. I’ve let moments pass me by before and the writer in me sometimes makes up ways I could have done it differently – but that’s not the way I want it to be. You can’t do things over, you have to do it right the first time.

So I’ll try to keep my one life more simple in future.

Do you over-complicate life?

Victoria

xoxo

25 Comments
by Victoria-writes on July 13, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by Victoria-writes on July 13, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/07/13/keep-it-simple/

Moments of impact

The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you’ve never thought you’ve found them. That’s the thing about moments like these. You can’t, no matter how hard you try, controlling how it’s gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding part goes where they may. And wait. For the next collision

That line is from the film The Vow, which I watched this weekend. For those who haven’t seen it, it’s about a husband and wife who are in a car crash – when she wakes up she can’t remember the last five years including her husband. It’s inspired by a true story of a woman who lost the memory of her husband but they are still married today and have children after sticking to their wedding vows and falling in love all over again.

Life’s all about moments, of impact and how they changes our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them? 

This is also from the film. To me, it’s a powerful thought that moments of your life make up who you are and what you want out of life and love and if you couldn’t remember those moments, how might that change you and your outlook on both? And if you couldn’t remember all the choices you made, would you make them again?

In the film, Paige the woman who loses her memory has lost five important years – years when she walked out on law school, her family and her fiancee, became a bohemian artists, a veggie and fell in love with a man who fit into her new world but not into her old one. So when she forgets all those choices, she slips back into her old life, unable to understand why she threw it all away, and turns her back on her husband Leo.

What I liked about the film was it takes Paige on a journey to remember not the memories she lost, but the person she wants to be. She never regains her memories, like the woman the story is inspired by, but she becomes the person she wanted to be first time round – and arguably, the person she was meant to be. And then goes to find the man she was meant to be with.

First she has to understand who she is before she can find her husband again.

Life is a journey full of choices, decisions and change and it all adds up to making us who we are. I can’t imagine losing years of your life like that but I’m inspired by the thought that you could still be the person you were always meant to be.

Paige: I hope that one day I can love you the way you love me. 
Leo: You figured it out once. You’ll do it again. 

What moments of impact have changed who you are?

Victoria

xoxo

17 Comments
by Victoria-writes on July 2, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Films, inspiration, Life, Love, Musings, Reviews
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Posted by Victoria-writes on July 2, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/07/02/moments-of-impact/

Second time around

Last week, I started re-reading The Vampire Academy series (by Richelle Mead) and I started re-watching Dawson’s Creek. When you re-read or re-watch something, you notice different things, you feel differently because you know what’s going to happen so you focus on other things and can take everything in in more detail. Usually, when I’m gripped by a book or a film or TV show, I’m hooked and frantically watch until I find out the ending but sometimes that means I miss things.

I wonder if the same thing is true for life? Do we hurtle through so quickly that we miss moments and details we should be savouring? Do we move past things  and people that were meant to have a larger part of our life? If we could relive it, would we see things differently?

It’s a cliche that as you get older you get wiser but I definitely think you experience and navigate life differently the more you experience. You learn to pay attention to some things and learn to move on quickly from others. You learn who is worthy of your time and love. If you could go back with an understanding of your mistakes and life lessons learned, I wonder what different choices you might make the second time around.

But all those choices made you who you are today. Reliving isn’t possible and probably wouldn’t make us happier. Perhaps the journey will always take us to the same destination anyway. Re-reading and re-watching is fun because films and books are always there for us to go back to but life isn’t.

We only have one shot at that.

Do you experience new things when you re-read or re-watch something? Would you relive your life if you could?

Victoria

xoxo

32 Comments
by Victoria-writes on May 30, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Musings
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Posted by Victoria-writes on May 30, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/05/30/second-time-around/

Somebody that I used to know

 

I think everyone has heard this song now, it’s everywhere. It’s catchy but the reason I think it’s so popular is the story it tells. It’s a timeless break-up song. We’ve all been there and we all know what it feels like. It doesn’t have to just be a partner, it could be a friend or family member – someone you were close to but are now out of your life and it feels weird knowing what a big part they used to be of your life but now they’ve gone. And now they are just someone that you used to know.

Life is made up of meetings and partings, that is the way of it 

That quote if you didn’t know is from The Muppet Christmas Carol. Yes, The Muppets are geniuses :) Well, it could actually be a direct Dickens quote but admission time, I’ve never read the book. Regardless, it always struck me as a pretty good insight into life and love. It would be nice if some people stayed forever but sometimes it’s a good thing that not everyone does. Learning to move on and let go of the past has been a tough lesson for me to grasp. I over analyse things, I wish I could things over again but we all have to say goodbye sometimes. Sometimes it’s good to look back but not if it holds you back.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime 

This is such a true saying. When I think about who many people I’ve met in my life and then the ones that have stuck around, I wonder how different things would be if they were still in my life. But I like to think that there’s a reason why some people come and go and others stay fixed. I have learnt things from these people – good or bad and I’ve made mistakes with them – making me stronger, wiser and the person I am today.

As I grow up, I realise more and more that you can’t change things, all you can do is hope to do things right in the future. Even if you can’t see it at the time, life does have a way of working out.

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say

You can’t rewrite your history even if you want to. Probably it wouldn’t work out even if you did. You think it was your fault but it wasn’t. Not every love lasts. And most of the time it was right that it didn’t.

But one love you can make sure lasts is the love you give yourself and the love you let yourself deserve. Because you are the constant in your life.

Make sure that you are somebody you want to know. 

Victoria

xoxo

 

 

18 Comments
by Victoria-writes on May 21, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by Victoria-writes on May 21, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/05/21/somebody-that-i-used-to-know/

Why it costs more to be a woman

If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.  ~Aristotle Onassis

I read a column in Grazia last week that quoted a report from an America magazine which found it costs more to be women. I always knew that being a woman has its pros and cons (hello, childbirth!) but this article says the fact is we have to spend more money on things because we’re women. Apparently, we pay on average three times more than men on dry cleaning, 20p more per ounce on deodorant, more to have our razors look pink and far more than men on haircuts and cars.

It’s like having our very own tax just for being women. Add to this the amount we spend on clothes, bags, shows, accessories, it’s clear we are pretty badly off. Plus many of us take work breaks to raise children and often don’t reach the same career heights as men so if you spread the cost over a lifetime, we are the poorer sex. Obviously, in monetary terms and not in intelligence and general fabulous-ness :)

What can we do to stop this injustice – here are a few ideas:

  • Use deodorant for made for men – it’s actually better. Just make sure you mask the scent with perfume or you might draw women to you (see the Lynx advert).
  • Avoid razors – just let your hair grow. It’ll save time too.
  • Buy clothes that don’t need dry cleaning.
  • Dye your hair yourself at home. It’ll save you a fortune. Just don’t do it on your cream carpet.
  • Tell your man save the extra money he gets from his cheaper lifestyle and then pay for you to get that designer handbag you’ve had your eye on.

Do you think you spend more as a woman?

Victoria

xoxo

32 Comments
by Victoria-writes on April 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Fun, Life
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Posted by Victoria-writes on April 11, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/04/11/why-it-costs-more-to-be-a-woman/

Don’t let yourself give up on your dream

Yesterday I read a blog post from the agent running the competition I’ve just entered. Shes’s received hundreds of submissions. I knew this would be the case but reading it in black and white I felt a moment of deflation. Hundreds. How in the world can I compete with that? How can I stand out amongst them? I hated the feeling that I might never be good enough.

Then today I read Jenny’s amazing post Struggling with Self-esteem and I didn’t feel quite so alone. Jenny talks about how she recently succumbed to the feeling of writer envy – when you see everyone around you having success and you wonder will it ever be your turn? I know this feeling all too well and it’s so easy to let it consume you and make you give up on your dream. That’s why I loved it when Jenny said one of the things she tells herself when she struggles with writer envy or a lack of self-esteem is to never give up on her dream.

I’m telling myself that now. There might be hundreds of other writers competing against me but this isn’t my last shot. I really hope I make it through but if I don’t I can’t let it hold me back. I should never give up on my dream. It feels like a mantra we should all say when we get up in the mornings. When we sit in front of our computers. When we see writers getting agents and deals. Because feeling envious is natural as is feeling impatient for our dream to come true but if we let the self-doubt in, we will never make it happen.

My lovely writer friend Anne Van  taught me an invaluable lesson. Wherever we are on our writing journeys or to be honest wherever we are in life, nobody has it all. We may look on with envy at others but we all have something to bring to the table. Anne is a brilliant writer and recently landed herself an agent. I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing this but she recently asked me for some advice on blogging. It amazed me that she needed my advice as she’s so far ahead of me on her writing journey. I envy her. But she taught me that I have something. I have a blog that people are reading. So when I worry about my book submission, I remind myself of this place. And that if I can be (reasonably!) successful in blogging, hopefully I can translate that into success in writing books.

I’m not where I want to be yet but I’m heading that way and I need to push myself forward and not hold myself back.

What I love so much about writing is the friends I’m making. Even if we do suffer from writer envy, I’ve found so many supportive people that want to help and that like to encourage. That’s invaluable. We are all going to struggle in life, writers or not, and we will all have moments where we feel we can’t do what we want to do and envy that those that are already there. But we have to remember they were like us once. No one in life gets off struggle-free. And the more we help each other, the more we can show each other that we can make our dreams come true. It will happen faster and easier to some but as long as we don’t give up, it will happen to us too.

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
Gail Devers

Victoria

xoxo

38 Comments
by Victoria-writes on March 19, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by Victoria-writes on March 19, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/03/19/dont-let-yourself-give-up-on-your-dream/

Pace of life

I woke up this morning and wanted to cry. Some mornings I feel so tired then I have a 2 hour commute and working all day. Plus I have to deal with London where everyone is frantically trying to get to work and will knock you out of the way if they have to. Everyone seems to rush nowadays. We have no time to slow down and relax, we’re constantly exhausted and stressed as a result. The pace of life seems to get faster and faster and we just get swept up with it.

As a writer, you have to think about the pace of your story. You want to use pace to increase suspense, tension or drama or slow things down and draw out emotion. You can speed things up or slow things down to bring the story to life. If only you could use such control in real life. We could all do with taking some time to slow things down and step of the rollercoaster once in a while. Otherwise life just moves at such a pace it passes you by.

I’m looking forward to coming out of the fast lane for a while. At the end of the month, I say goodbye to working in London. I won’t have to get on a train and tube every day. I won’t have to wake to an alarm at 6.15am every day. I can take some control back. I can slow things down. I can focus on the things I want to.  And I can’t wait to slow the pace down for a bit.

Life is short already without moving so fast we miss everything.

Do you wish you could slow things down?

Victoria

xoxo

42 Comments
by Victoria-writes on March 13, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Musings
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Posted by Victoria-writes on March 13, 2012

http://victoria-writes.com/2012/03/13/pace-of-life/

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