All posts tagged relationships

Hopeless romantic vs. Love cynic

I am a bit bipolar when it comes to thinking about love and relationships, unsure of what I really think about it all and what my love future looks like. I feel differently on different days so here are the two sides of my heart. Maybe I can decide which side I’m really on.

Hopeles romantic

On one hand, I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic films, stories of happily ever afters and dream that Mr Darcy is real and will sweep me off my feet any day now. I like the idea of soul mates and really want someone to love me just the way I am and for it to last forever.

Love cynic

On the other hand, my rose tinted glasses are sometimes foggy. I have been single for a while now so I’m pretty independent and that wedding day fantasy seems to be pretty far away. I have had bad experiences, I’ve been burned and I hear a lot about relationship dramas that I have no desire to get sunk into. I’m pretty cynical about finding a soul mate, most men seem to be useless at being “the one” and I rarely see anyone that I think might be a possibility for me.

Taylor Swift’s take on this problem…

When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he’s everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot; he’s really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”
— Taylor Swift

The verdict

I suppose I’ll always wish for my own happy ending but if it doesn’t happen I’ll be okay on my own. And hopefully I’ll be able to spot my Prince if he ever appears and avoid the bad guys if he doesn’t. Because whether I get my romance or now, I know I don’t want to settle for second best, I want my soul mate whether he does or doesn’t really exist.

Are you a hopeless romantic or love cynic? Or like me, a bit of both?

Vix

xx

28 Comments
by Victoria-writes on September 6, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Love
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Posted by Victoria-writes on September 6, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/09/06/hopeless-romantic-vs-love-cynic/

Coupled up? Help a single girl out!

After my post on Tuesday “Single Ladies”, I’ve stumbled on several blogs – both old and new bemoaning the fact that nowadays it seems so difficult to meet a new partner. If you don’t have anyone available in your social circle or at work, which let’s face it could get very awkward, then the only option left seems to be online dating.

I tried E-Harmony for about a month last year and hated it. The site just sends people they think are suitable for you, you don’t get to browse profiles on there and their matching skills are well below par. There was literally no-one I even wanted to chat to plus you had to go through some long  process before you even got to an email stage with someone. Not for me!

I am currently deciding whether to give Match.com a go. I’ve heard both success stories and horror stories from people who have tried the site, leaving me wondering if it’s actually down to luck. I’m not a lucky person, especially in love, so I’m dubious about going through endless profiles and bad dates. On the other hand, I just can’t see how else to meet someone. Everyone I know claims not to know any suitable guys , my close friends are settled down and in no mood to go to bars, and my work has no prospects. How else to you meet someone?

Help a single girl out coupled up readers. Tell me how you met your other half and maybe that will give me some inspiration for my love journey. Otherwise, I may end up a spinster with only cats for company :) Or searching for sperm donors :)

How did you meet your loved one?

Vix

xx

53 Comments
by Victoria-writes on May 19, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Love, Personal
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Posted by Victoria-writes on May 19, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/05/19/coupled-up-help-a-single-girl-out/

I am really attractive ….

….. to old men!

Yep – if there’s an old man in the vicinity he will be drawn to me like honey to a bee. I’m talking over the age of sixty here. Any function – work or wider family, if there’s an older man there (can be married ro single, doesn’t stop them), they will latch on to me and tell me how lovely I am and how they wish they were younger (to do what I would never ask obviously but I shudder to think!).

It’s so annoying – I get no attention from men my own age. Perhaps I should embrace my power and do an Anna Nicole Smith and marry a wealthy old man?!

Anyone else attractive to the older man? What’s the oldest man you would date?

Vix

xx

30 Comments
by Victoria-writes on April 16, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Fun, Love
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Posted by Victoria-writes on April 16, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/04/16/i-am-really-attractive/

Just don’t call me Bridget

Okay I admit that sometimes I worry I might be turning into Bridget Jones. Not because of an addiction to smoking and Chardonnay but because of my fantasy of true romance, which has been clouded by countless happily-ever-after films mixed with my cynical view of love, thanks to broken hearts and bad dates.

Sometimes I can picture myself singing ‘All by Myself’ with mascara running down my cheeks ….

So when I spotted ‘The Lonely Hearts Club’ by Elizabeth Eulberg in Waterstones, I eagerly picked it up. I couldn’t help it – the words spoke to me and when I read the cover and saw it was about a girl called Penny Lane Bloom (her family are Beatles fanatics) who is so annoyed with how boys treat her, she starts an anti-dating club, I had to buy it.

This book is funny and realistic in its take on the battle of the sexes but what I liked is what starts out as an anti-boy club, actual turns into a female empowerment one. Girls who were once afraid to be who they wanted to be because they were so caught up in what boys thought about them, suddenly felt empowered to do what they wanted to do. The main character grows from hating all men into realising what she actually wants from a relationship and that being true to yourself, means you find friends and love for all the right reasons.

Sometimes I get so caught up thinking about being single and that I’m so unlucky in love, I forget to remember the control I have over the situation. That I don’t need to sit around and wait for a man to sweep me off my feet, I can work on being who I want to be and not worry about what people think.

Lots of people tell me I should try online dating, to go on Match.com and get myself on dates. But what I’ve realised is, I don’t really want that yet. I barely have much spare time as it is with my full time job and long commute, and that spare time I want to use to write. What is important to me at the moment is to finish my second manuscript and make my start as a published writer, before searching for that elusive true love.

And if I have to be the sole member of my own Lonely Hearts Club until then, then fine, I’m not going to worry. I want to accomplish other dreams first and I know then the whole relationship thing will fall into place because I will be happy and ready for someone to come into my life and share it with me.

Have you ever wished you could join an anti-dating club? Have you ever chosen career over love or vice versa?

Vix x

18 Comments
by Victoria-writes on February 21, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Love, Personal
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Posted by Victoria-writes on February 21, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/02/21/just-dont-call-me-bridget/

Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

Okay so V Day is here and for a single lady, there are 2 options – curl under your duvet and cry whilst clutching a box of choccies and watching a sob fest romance film, OR push your shoulders back, lift that chin high and not worry you don’t have someone to make a fuss of you today - do it yourself!

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, right? (Ignoring the mindless commercialism, of course) so, who needs Prince Charming – just love YOURSELF.

survival tips:

1. If you work as I do somewhere that involves taking public transport – put on your iPod and do not make eye contact with any ladies carrying roses, choccies etc. Instead, focus on shop windows, your shoes or how the roses will likely die within a couple of days.

Songs to listen to that will spread the love to yourself:

  • Lauren Pritchard – Stuck
  • Thea Gilmore – How the Love Gets in
  • Tina Dico – Love all around
  • Clare Maguire – The Last Dance

2. Make sure you buy yourself a treat. This can be chocolates, cupcakes, a girlie DVD or a new top. something that will make you SMILE. I’m going for some form of these:

3. Devise an after work plan. Do not go home alone and sob. Make sure you have something to look forward to – you could have a singles party, meet up with a friend for dinner, watch something that will make you laugh or cook yourself your fave food and pour yourself a glass of rose wine. Cheers!

4. Go home and look in the mirror and list 3 great things about yourself – looks and /or personality. If you don’t love yourself, no-one else will love you!

(Source – Ninapaley.com)

5. Make sure you go to bed on a positive note – no crying into the pillow please! Why not put on one of these love fest films (have the popcorn ready):

  • Dirty Dancing
  • A Walk to Remember
  • While you Were Sleeping
  • You’ve Got Mail
  • Valentine’s Day

Then curl up with your fave teddy (I  know you have them) and dream sweet dreams!

Finally, remember that Nobody puts Baby in the Corner so don’t let anyone do that to you today – you deserve to shine whether single or not single. Spread the love people!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!!!!!!

Vix xxxxxx

10 Comments
by Victoria-writes on February 14, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Love, Special Days
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Posted by Victoria-writes on February 14, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/02/14/valentines-day-survival-guide/

The Ex Factor

So Jude Law and Sienna Miller have announced they have split for the second time and cancelled a second engagement. The first time round he cheated, this time no explanation but got me thinking can it ever really work getting back with an ex?

This happened to me once - I got dumped and instead of realising it was the best thing for the relationship to end, I hung on, trying to fix things and get us back together but only got more hurt in the end. I look back now and think – what were you doing?!

There is something alluring about an ex partner – you remember the good points, you miss being in a relationship and you dream about that elusive happily ever after – all this, pulls you back in.

But can it ever work out?

Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton are classic examples of having the ex factor – they got married and divorced twice, seemingly unable to get pass their love affair but equally unable to make it work as a solid relationship.

I think it’s easy to forget why that person is an ex to begin with. If you broke up for reasons beyond your control, e.g. distance, work problems, money issues etc, then maybe once those problems have gone it might work.

However, if you broke up because you were just not compatible, you didn’t want the same things in life, he or she didn’t support you or took you for granted, you had different futures in mind or if one of you cheated and the other can’t forgive, I really think it’s best to put it in the past section of your life and find someone who can be part of your future instead.

If your ex was auditioning on the X-Factor what would the judges say?

Go back or Move on?

I vote  - NEXT please! How about you? :-)

Vix x

12 Comments
by Victoria-writes on February 10, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Love, Pop culture
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Posted by Victoria-writes on February 10, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/02/10/the-ex-factor/

Friends vs Husbands

Sex and The City – a favourite show of  mine and I’m going to use as my example for the blog post today.

Friends vs husbands.

When you’re younger you have lots of friends and you see them regularly - at school or a club, then as you grow up your friendship group tends to shrink as you develop a set of close friends to hang out with - and shop, gossip and have some wine with! I developed such a set – three friends as a group and another friend who I saw separately, all I had gone to school with and kept in touch with through Uni and the return home.

But when you grow older things change. You grow up and want to do different things. And then the husbands arrive.

Out of those four friends – 2 are married with babies, 1 lives with someone and the other I’ve drifted from. I’m still close to the coupled friends but we see each other much less – maybe once a month. Their priority is, of course, now their husbands, partners and child.

So is there a point when friendship groups shift, you become less of such a group because they have found their life partners??

Take Sex and The City…..

Carrie and the girls were all about their friendship, that is until they met their men and then they drifted. The last episode’s closing scenes showed the four girls together but the last scene was Carrie talking to Big – their love story became more important that the foundation of the show – the friendship of 4 single ladies in NYC. The film tried to create false conflict in the relationships to bring them back together because it was obvious they were less as friends if they were happy with their men.

There is no blame here. It is  natural shift in life as  you move from being single to having a family and priorities change. But it sad to lose that connection you have with your friends and quite hard when you’re single to watch them drift away.

I think 2011 is the year to change all this for me – try and reconnect with my friends, start a new hobby and meet new people and maybe check out the dating websites (eeek!) because I want my happily ever after as well.

Sex and the City – a man comes into the group and the dynamic changes.

Look forward to hearing your thoughts,

Vix x

2 Comments
by Victoria-writes on January 28, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Musings, Personal
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Posted by Victoria-writes on January 28, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/01/28/229/

The grass is yellow on the other side

This week I’ve been thinking about relationships and how so many people wish for things they don’t have or what others have. Perhaps thinking the grass is greener on the other side but is it really?

To help me share my thoughts on the subject, I turn to Jane Austen who wrote my fave book Pride and Predjudice and had a few things to say on the matter of love.

Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then (Mr Bennet in P & P by Jane Austen).

This post came out of a conversation with a work colleague who was talking about their partner and saying that how they were not what they would look for in an ideal partner but she had realised she couldn’t change him and was putting up with the relationship in some ways. She said that she didn’t know anyone completely happy in their relationship.

This makes me sad. As a single woman I am determined to wait for someone special to share my life with. I am pretty independent and not scared of waiting right now. Settling scares me more – the thought that you would look across at your partner and think about all the things you wish they were instead of all the things they are.

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. (Charlotte Lucas in P & P by Jane Austen).

I don’t think Jane Austen believed this quote uttered by Charlotte in P & P before her marriage to the bumbling Mr Collins otherwise she would have married and taking the gamble herself. I don’t believe it either. I think marriage is hard work and you need love, trust, honesty and friendship. Of course compromise is needed. You’re never going to find someone perfect, no-one is but I do think they need to tick your requirements in a partner or you’ll always wish for something more.

To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.
Jane Austen

Above all, I’d like to meet someone to share things with, someone to support and take care fo me, to have fun with, to make me laugh and hold me when I cry, someone I can trust and be honest with, someone to make me a better person through their love and someone to have a family with.

It may sound a straight forward list but talking to people I know it actually seems to be harder and harder to find. And my previous experiences have fallen way short.

You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased (Mr Darcy, P & P by Jane Austen).

(Photo from BBC)

And there is the subject of wanting what you can’t have. My coupled friends who wish they were single and me who wishes I wasn’t. I think the best advice for both camps is not to wish for things you don’t have, not to wish to be on the other side but to make sure that you are happy in your side.

Happiness does not depend on that perfect man but on yourself. If you find yourself wishing for something, ask yourself if you are truly happy and what would make you happy. The answer isn’t as always easy as you might think!

I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me (Eliza Bennet in P & P , Jane Austen).

I’d love to hear your thoughts,

With love

Vixter xx

 Ps: I admit it, I want Mr Darcy! Is that so bad? :-)

8 Comments
by Victoria-writes on January 25, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Musings, Personal, This week ...
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Posted by Victoria-writes on January 25, 2011

http://victoria-writes.com/2011/01/25/the-grass-is-yellow-on-the-other-side/

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