Stressful days are a nightmare. Sometimes I can literally feel  my pulse speeding up and my hands becoming tense, balling up into fists. I either want to scream or burst into tears. I want to run far away from the thing causing me stress and hide in a little ball somewhere.

At times like these, I have to remind myself to breathe. Take some deep breaths and force myself to calm down before I say or do something I might regret. Today has been such a day and it’s not over yet but I know it will end and tomorrow is a different day. I’m forcing myself not to get topo irrational about it and writing this spot is helping ease some of the tension already. Some, not all

Why is life so stressful sometimes? Is it that we’re forced to juggle so many things and deal with so many different types of people – work and colleagues, home and family life, friends, relationship dramas or anxiety, money and bills. We have to be constantly “on” when sometimes we just want to get away from everything and everyone. People even take Blackberry’s on holiday, always checking for emails or texts or calls, updating on Facebook, competing with others to be seen as the best. And what’s it all for? Are we actually appreciated? Does busting our balls actually get us anywhere?

I’m usually a calm person, I don’t let too much get to me at work as I’m aware there’s more important things in life and generally I’m pretty blessed but sometimes like today it all gets on top of me and I start thinking about exit strategies. Caught up in stress isn’t the best time to make decisions but if you’re constantly feeling anxious then maybe it is time to make a change in your life somehow.

Even if it’s just buying a pair of stress balls

Do you ever feel like a hamster in a  wheel? Constantly running on the same circle? Going through the same motions on an endless treadmill?

Sometimes I can’t see a difference between my days. They are filled with work and commuting with a snatch of an evening and a collapse into bed. I sometimes forget to think I’m on such a cycle of repeat. I spend the week wishing for the weekend and then the weekend flashes by at a blink and you’ll miss speed.

I used to wonder if it was just me but I look at people on a Monday morning - they have the same bleary eyes, they are yawning and pale, they are depressed that it’s all rolled around again. Most of them on the train are asleep like me.

I read os much now about how our lives are one constant blur of work and stress, our dependency on technology and always being ‘on’ means we don’t switch off, we don’t rest, we just keep going until we collapse with a cold or something. This always happens to me. Whenever I stop or go on holiday, I inevitably fall ill. It’s like my body is screaming for me to just stop. When I was in Paris last month, I caught a horrible cold, it was so annoying.

I get so frustrated about how tired I get. My journey to work everyday is long and leaves me shattered. I get home and just want to collapse in front of bad TV. I often think about words I want to write more of my book but just can’t manage to pull out my laptop or pen and put it down.

I think back to my school days and think I had it so easy back then, even at university too. There was so much less stress and worry and time filling. I used  to have lie-ins. Now my body is so programmed to wake up at 6.15am, it does it on the weekend too. I’m lucky if I sleep much past 7am now. Whilst I quite like having a full day stretching head of me, I’m also annoyed that I can’t sleep more just for once.

I tell myself it won’t be like this forever. Either I’ll get my book deal or find a new job that requires less commuting or meet a rich man who lets me write and shop all day (:)) or something equalling unlikely but what if it is always like this? What if life just floats by whilst you stress yourself out and just get more and more exhausted?

Okay time to picture me here ….

Do you ever feel like your stuck on the treadmill of life? How do you de-stress?

Vix

xx