Musings, Personal, This week ...

The grass is yellow on the other side

This week I’ve been thinking about relationships and how so many people wish for things they don’t have or what others have. Perhaps thinking the grass is greener on the other side but is it really?

To help me share my thoughts on the subject, I turn to Jane Austen who wrote my fave book Pride and Predjudice and had a few things to say on the matter of love.

Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then (Mr Bennet in P & P by Jane Austen).

This post came out of a conversation with a work colleague who was talking about their partner and saying that how they were not what they would look for in an ideal partner but she had realised she couldn’t change him and was putting up with the relationship in some ways. She said that she didn’t know anyone completely happy in their relationship.

This makes me sad. As a single woman I am determined to wait for someone special to share my life with. I am pretty independent and not scared of waiting right now. Settling scares me more – the thought that you would look across at your partner and think about all the things you wish they were instead of all the things they are.

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. (Charlotte Lucas in P & P by Jane Austen).

I don’t think Jane Austen believed this quote uttered by Charlotte in P & P before her marriage to the bumbling Mr Collins otherwise she would have married and taking the gamble herself. I don’t believe it either. I think marriage is hard work and you need love, trust, honesty and friendship. Of course compromise is needed. You’re never going to find someone perfect, no-one is but I do think they need to tick your requirements in a partner or you’ll always wish for something more.

To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.
Jane Austen

Above all, I’d like to meet someone to share things with, someone to support and take care fo me, to have fun with, to make me laugh and hold me when I cry, someone I can trust and be honest with, someone to make me a better person through their love and someone to have a family with.

It may sound a straight forward list but talking to people I know it actually seems to be harder and harder to find. And my previous experiences have fallen way short.

You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased (Mr Darcy, P & P by Jane Austen).

(Photo from BBC)

And there is the subject of wanting what you can’t have. My coupled friends who wish they were single and me who wishes I wasn’t. I think the best advice for both camps is not to wish for things you don’t have, not to wish to be on the other side but to make sure that you are happy in your side.

Happiness does not depend on that perfect man but on yourself. If you find yourself wishing for something, ask yourself if you are truly happy and what would make you happy. The answer isn’t as always easy as you might think!

I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me (Eliza Bennet in P & P , Jane Austen).

I’d love to hear your thoughts,

With love

Vixter xx

 Ps: I admit it, I want Mr Darcy! Is that so bad? 🙂

8 thoughts on “The grass is yellow on the other side”

  1. I have lots of friends who would agree with your coworker about marriage. I’m in different place, though. I cannot imagine a man more perfectly suited to me than my husband. Truly.

    When people see how blissful we are together, we always hear the same things, “Well, you’re still newly weds. And you don’t have kids yet. And you haven’t fallen on tough times to try your marriage yet…” and etc. And to be honest, when we first got married 2.5 years ago, I used to worry about “The Day.” You know, “the day” when catastrophe would strike and I’d want to strangle my husband and we’d be angry all the time. I just heard about it so much that I felt it must be inevitable.

    But now, 2.5 years into our marriage (and having been together for 6.5!), I’m beginning to see that we handle things differently than other people we know. It’s not that we’ve never faced hardship, but instead, how we deal with it when it comes. If you ask my husband for marriage advice, he will say to you, “Communicate!” And it’s true. We face everything TOGETHER, as a couple. It makes all the difference in the world. We never fight. We might disagree about something, but we never ever shout or name call or bring up the past. We just communicate. 🙂

    Please don’t think I’m saying that we will never go through a rough patch. I recognize that 6 years is a short period of time compared to couples who’ve been married 50 years. And I do recognize that it’s possible for kids to change things. BUT… please hear me say that I agree with you. Waiting until you find that perfect other half is so worth it. Because being married to your best friend and having him there as a constant support is such a blessing. I honestly never knew life could be so blissful and beautiful until that very handsome Italian walked into it. 🙂

    1. That is a lovely reply and gives me hope 🙂

      I agree, I think that so many people have problems and issues because they don’t communicate and they don’t face things together. What I get from your post is you and your husband are a TEAM and that is what marriage is about, you are sharing your life with each other as partners. It sounds like a great foundation if and when you do have children or face any problems in your life, I’m sure you both will handle it all!

      Finger’s crossed I’ll have that someday too! 🙂

  2. I have encountered the same thing as you. I’m single and all my friends are married. They’re always talking about what they did with their spouses and it all sounds so nice that I miss it and want it myself…and yet, every single one of them envies me! “You can do whatever you want, whenever you want,” etc. I hear that all the time, and it makes me wonder: am I truly appreciating my freedom the way I should be?

    1. It’s so hard when people around you have that and you don’t but I think we should try and appreciate this time and know one day we will have what they have and be truly grateful for it when the time is right and it arrives.
      Thanks for sharing!

  3. “Happiness does not depend on that perfect man but on yourself. ” That’s so true! And I have found that when a girl is happy with herself and just loving (and living) her life, that’s when HE comes into the pictures… 🙂 One of my best friends was depserately hoping to meet her Mr. Right in college but never did… Then she came home after she graduated, just in time to meet the young guy her parents had hired to rebuild their porch. And sure enough, this young carpenter is now her husband. 🙂 You just never know when he’ll step into the picture…

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