Life, Musings, Personal, This week ...

Self Pity vs. Self Belief

This week’s topic is a fight between self pity and self belief.

Self pity:

I hate self pity but I often sink into it. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself to count your blessings some days, you still feel sorry for yourself. I wish I didn’t sometimes list all the bad points in my life, that I didn’t wish for more , that I would not regret things from the past. I wish I just looked at all the things that I do have and be content with them.

It’s human nature to see our flaws and weaknesses I think but we need to try train ourselves, I need to train myself to look for the positives, to see my good points and to use them to my advantage.

But maybe if I didn’t long for more than maybe I’d never achieve it. Maybe you do need to feel a bit dissatisfied with your lot sometimes because it pushes you to look for way to change things, to improve your life. It’s human nature surely to question things, to search for meanings and whys, to hope for better things, to want to hide under the duvet and let yourself have a good ol’ cry.

Maybe all I need to do is realise that I’m not the only one who might be thinking like this …

Self Belief:

I wish I had more of this one. To have esteem, to think you are worthy, to feel you are capable – it’s so important to see yourself as someone who can change things, who can achieve their goals, who can make their dreams come true and who can be happy. To look into that mirror and be happy with the reflection you see.

It’s not easy though – sometimes I’m crippled by self-doubt, anxious that I’ll never be as good as I what to be or I’ll never achieve the goals I’ve set myself. I look at other people and think why can’t I be like them instead  of being me?!

I wish I could swap the days I feel self pity for the days I feel self belief but I’m starting to see that there will always be both in life, I will always be torn between the two and both have a place. Both can help me make my dreams come true along  a healthy dose of luck and destiny 🙂

Do you ever struggle with self pity? How do you make sure you believe in yourself?

Vix x

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23 thoughts on “Self Pity vs. Self Belief”

  1. I struggle with self-pity all the time. I had, until recently, periods of depression and general un-confidenceness. (if that’s a word). Now, after taking St John’s Wort, I’m now on the path to becoming more confident and happier!

    Great blog, by the way!

      1. thank you! I realised that I had like two years’ in a row of things not going right for me and when I tried to fix them or move away things got worse! I hope i’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel now..! 🙂

  2. So true! It can be really hard to focus on self belief instead of pitying yourself… I have been trying to change my inner dialogue as well, and I’ve found that one good way to do that is to press pause when I feel unhappy or mad or irritated or anything like that, and just think about why I’m feeling that. Often it is because I’m either putting myself down, or I just really feel sorry for myself for some reason that is either stupid or doesn’t get better by me beating myself up about it. Then it’s a little easier to recognise it and move on.
    In the end I think that dissatisfaction can be good to make us want to change things. Self pity is then what can keep us in our dark hole and make us not want/dare to change things, while self belief makes us want to do something about it! 🙂
    Great post!

  3. Good post…i guess we all struggle with a little bit of both…i have found out that my self belief (or confidence) gets a boost when i surround myself with people that genuinely like me and want the best for me, it lifts me up, also when i am fresh and relaxed I feel better. Self pity generally pops out when i am stressed and tired, then my judgment gets cluttered and i loose focus on my good sides…don’t listen to negative people, they only drag you down and make you feel bad about yourself…you are doing a great job writing and sharing your thoughts, keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you so much! That’s such a good point – people in your life def can bring out the worst or best and finding those positive ones who can give you a lift and make you feel good about yourself are priceless.

  4. I do struggle with low self-esteem…it sucks, LOL!

    Then I have to remind myself of my accomplishments. There’s a concept called radical acceptance. It’s accepting yourself for the way you are right now AND looking at things to improve. Takes away the bad feelings while helping you strive for improvement.

    Nice post! (Love the pic of the kitty–I just used in a presentation last week!)

  5. It’s a constant battle. i think it is human nature, after all if you don’t feel sorry for yourself, who is going to feel sorry for you? I mean we are so self-involved, anyway. I don’t have a solution, but I do know that you have ultimate potential. I don’t know what your goals are, but don’t let the self-pity overwhelm them. Some days all I can do is shout (internally) “Shut up! Lisa” It helps, on those days, to look at what I have achieved and recognize that I’ve done a lot, and my life is not over.

    1. I def need to tell myself to shut up, I over analyse everything, must be the writer in us 🙂 You’re right, we all need to remember our achievements and recognise our potential, good life coach stuff here!

  6. This post spoke to me Vix! I feel like I am not good enough everyday for about 2 years now. It started right a few weeks after I enrolled in postgrad studies. Everyday I felt that I am incompetent, I keep comparing myself to other students’ work…. The only way I can break this is soldier on and produce results! Same to you Vix, soldier on!

    1. Sorry to hear you’ve felt that way. We all need to stop comparing ourselves to others! I’m sure you’ll achieve everything you want to, you can do it 🙂

  7. I’m fortunate that must times I wake “sunny side up” and it probably has a lot to do with southern California weather. However, after losing my job and sitting in front of my computer more, I’ve found I’m more “unmotivated” which can easily translate into “self pity.” I’ve kind of gained quite a bit of weight this past 6 months and have kind have not been my sunny-self. People are noticing. I call it funk. I feel like “chet” off of Wierd Science, when he’s the big green blob.

    Yikes! We need to do something to shake it up…I’ll be thinking of you…and if any ideas come forth, I’ll let ya know!

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com

    1. Aw sorry to hear you’re feeling down too, it’s tough when life changes like that on you. I’m sure you’re not a blob tho 🙂
      It helps knowing we all feel that way sometimes and we can support each other! I am jealous of where you live tho, we get so many grey rainy days, it’s hard not to be depressed!

  8. I know how you feel. I get down pretty often, and am just a really good actress. I try to think about my past accomplishments to get myself back up, or I read some inspiring quotes. Be strong! You’re an amazing person!

  9. I struggle with self pity all the time. But I try to step back for a minute and think about how good I have it compared to so many others out there. I can pout about superficial or stupid things alot of the time.

  10. Yeah, I fall into self-pity sometimes… I’ll see a girl who has nicer clothes and think, “If only I had more money.” Or I’ll meet someone who has a book published and think, “If only I were more motivated to make my dreams come true.” Or dinner will be a flop and I’ll ponder, “Why am I not a better wife?” It’s all about perspective though. I really am SO blessed already. So when I fall into self-pity, I do my best to count my blessings, because I really don’t have anything to complain about!

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