I have days when I look in the mirror and I really dislike what I see. Everything looks ugly on me, I feel fat and hideous and nothing goes right – my hair, make up or chosing an outfit. Or I see a photo of me and it’s completely unflattering and I cry out “Do I really look like this?!”
I felt this way over the weekend. I had got my mum to take some photos of me to post on here but they were all shocking and I started to moan to her that everything was wrong about me. She always tells me I’m pretty but on days like this, I just feel she’s being my mum and to her I may be pretty but to the world I am ug-gly.
It’s quite hard to break free of the funk once it arrives. There’s no rationality to it either. I probably looked exactly as I look on every other day but I felt different and that changed my perception of the girl in the mirror.
Saturday night I practically stormed to bed, completely positive no-one will ever love me because I look so bad. I took my mum out for Mothering Sunday the next day and we went shopping. I reworked my hair (I’m trying to grow out a short cut, which is never easy) and put on a new t-shirt and did feel a bit better about myself. We also started the day with a cooked breakfast at a cafe in the shopping centre and that also perked me up!
I decided I needed to continue my upward spiral so went to the make up department to try and find a new lipstick. My product post of the day before had obviously inspired me! A nice girl at Mac put on a coral colour and was really sweet about how it looked. She was also wearing a lovely dark green eyeliner that I decided I also needed and told me it would bring out my green eyes, I needed the flattery so I fell for it! But they had run out of the lipstick so I just left with the eyeliner. Walking past Bobbi Brown they had a similar shade but that had also sold out. Groan.
I took a peak in the car mirror on the way home, wearing the new lipstick I couldn’t buy and the eye liner that does make my eyes look greener and I felt more cheerful. I put on the new pair of earings I got – some sparkly hoops and my confidence levels went up.
I know that I didn’t look different essentially between Saturday and Sunday but doing small things to cheer me up made me feel better about myself in general. I hope I don’t sounds superficial here but I do think happiness about looks is linked with happiness about your self. I’m feeling down at the moment because of the frustration I want things to change but am not sure how to change them and that is affecting my confidence and how I am perceiving myself in that mirror.
What’s the moral of the story then? I want to try to reach for happiness and remember not to confuse feeling down with feeling ugly. To do things that will make me smile whether big life changes or finally getting hold of the coral lipstick. That girl in the mirror needs to learn to love herself inside and outside. She needs to believe in herself for better or worse, richer or poorer, for as long as she shall live.
Do you ever dislike what you see in the mirror? How do you make sure you love yourself?