You’re my best friend

Sunday I managed a near impossible feat and read a book in a day! Sitting out in the garden and soaking up the sun, I listened to songs and finished the book. I wish every Sunday could be like that. I did however get a couple of burnt patches where I had missed the suncream. Opps!

Anyway, moving on to the topic of the post. The book I read was Desires of the Dead by Kimberly Derting. This was the sequel to The Body Finder, a brilliant read about a girl called Violet who has a talent for finding dead bodies – yes it does what it says on the tin!

Despite the paranormal slant to the books, a lot of the plot centres around Violet and her best friend Jay and the fact they begin to fall in love and start a relationship. This got me thinking about how closely romantic relationships are linked to friendship.

In my experience, it’s hard to be just friends with a man. Either one of you develops an unrequited crush or you try a relationship in the end. This could either go very badly – as it has done for me before, or work out and you end up with your soul mate for life. I think you need a foundation of friendship to get you through your years together, either turning from friends into a couple or ensuring you build that friendship as you grow together.

I would like to meet someone who is also my best friend and by that I mean someone you can rely on, someone loyal who will support you, someone you can go to for advice, someone who will stretch you and encourage you to be the best you can be, someone who will listen and someone you can have fun and laugh with.

I think it’s sad when I go out to restaurants or cafes and see a couple dully sitting there with nothing to say to each other, not even a smile to send across the table to one another. I would find that pretty soul-destroying if that were me. If you decided to make the journey through life with someone, you’ve got to be able to find some joy in it together or there’s no point.

Have you ever got together with a friend? Do you think friendship is important in a relationship?

Vix

xx

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33 thoughts on “You’re my best friend

  1. Aw what a lovely post. It took me a while to realize, but I did finally get together with a close friend and we have a great relationship. We’ve had a tough time since we got together, but all the hardship has brought us closer together. I think you have to be with someone who makes you laugh every day. And, taking advice from Sex and the City, you have to feel happy in your relationship at some point in the day, every day. It doesn’t have to be all day, and some days you will be happier than others, but you need that, otherwise you probably shouldn’t be together. I am lucky that my parents set a great example for me. I am sure you will find someone who is your best friend and partner in life.
    K xx

    • I’m so glad you have someone like that and you’re so close and happy. Gives me hope! That’s so true – someone should add happiness to our life not take it away or stiffle it.

  2. I think that relationships have ebbs and flows, any type of relationship. But, if your partner is a friend then you can survive those ebbs and flows more easily. Think about the relationships you have with your friends. Sometimes they are closer, sometimes you need space. The same happens with a long-term commitment. Sometimes the romance is intense, sometimes the friendship is stronger, and sometimes you need breaks. The problem comes when you cling to each other and don’t let the natural ebb and flow happen.

  3. Wow a whole day to read a book and relax?! I am so jealous!

    As for the friendship.. I really think it’s important. It’s the basis of a good relationship, it’s a bit like the glue that holds things together.

    My partner and I built up a friendship first and then things rew from there. I know it’s still early days yet ( 2 years ) but I’m hoping we’ll last.

  4. I do think friendship is important in a romantic relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to become friends first. My husband is my best friend, but from the moment we met it was clear we were headed for a romantic relationship.

    I keep hearing about The Body Finder. Guess I should read it, huh?

  5. Once again, I read one of your posts, and it’s like you plucked my innermost thoughts and wrote them out in the words I can never seem to find. It *is* hard to just be friends with a man sometimes. It makes my heart hurt when I think about the relationships that have unravelled because of this. This happened to me last year, and I still haven’t quite managed to pull myself completely out of the funk it left me in, though I am continuing to work my way through it.

    For me, friendship is so important in a relationship. And I always think it’s sweet when the romantic relationship evolves from a solid friendship… when the people grow together, together 🙂

    • Ah bless you! I’m so relieved to know I’m not on my own with these thoughts. So sorry to hear about your heartache, it’s amazing how it effects us but I know someone special will make it all worth it one day 🙂

  6. I’ve always wanted to find a relationship like that! Despite my sometimes acting like I’m not, I really am a deep romantic at heart and that’s really all I’ve ever wanted, was to have a best friend and then it turn into something more forever. I thought I had that last semester but it turned out very badly (as you might’ve read in like December in my blog) I’m still holding out hope for some amazing guy though. Hopefully it’ll happen!

  7. I see it all the time, people sitting in the restaurant, eating, and not having anything to talk about. Actually that’s the case with most of them; the only exceptions are probably the ones who just started dating. I’m not sure if it’s the matter of friendship… it may be that if you live with somebody the boredom is unavoidable… I don’t know.

    • Yeah probably true but if you are really compatiable and best friends, you surely have a similar outlook and still want to talk about things even years down the line. I hope so anyway 🙂

  8. I think everything everyone has said are valid points. You should be each other’s best friend as the relationship evolves. But don’t forget the, as Carrie put it, zazazoo. I’ve had lots of male friends where it got weird because of an unrequited love and then you can’t be friends. I think for me I don’t want to go there because I don’t feel that way or I don’t want to ruin the friendship. So then the guy resents you and you can’t really be friends. So if something like that can get in the way, were you ever really friends? I don’t know. I think I am a romantic in my own way, I want to fall in love with a great guy. Unfortunately all I’ve found so far are toads. Ribbit!!!!

  9. Sweet post 🙂 I think that it can be really hard to be only friends with guys…still, I have a lot of guy friends (hard not to when you study engineering) and I have only been friends with them (except one in high school that I went through an awkward phase with but that passed quickly). My boyfriend was my ex but still a friend for a long time (we were together when 17) but in hindsight there was probably always something between us when we were only friends. I think friendship is necessary in a relationship – if you can’t go to each other with your thoughts and worries (and joy!) there is something wrong (I’ve been in a relationship like that) But Elli is my best friend 🙂

  10. I do have a handful of guy friends and you were right, I did develop some kind of crush on them somewhere. But it passed and we are good friends til today 🙂 I always become friends with someone before the attraction builds into a relationship (if it ever does). Yes, I agree you have to be friends before you can be partners, at least for me 🙂

  11. I hate going to restaurants, coffee houses, etc. and seeing couples who just sit there in silence and barely even looking at each other. It’s painfully awkward for me just to watch them, I can’t imagine how it is for them!

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