Life, Love, Musings

Is there a right way to marry?

I don’t think there’s a right and wrong way to do it when it comes to relationships. There has always seemed to be the right path to do things – meet someone, get to know them, either live together first or get married after at least a year probably two years then have a baby after being married for a bit. Now relationships have shifted – you have couples together for like ten years who aren’t married or people who get married after a month of knowing each other. Who’s to say which one will end up lasting the distance or not.

Khloe Kardashian married Lemar after just one month of dating. They are still together three years later but I suspect everyone around me would think I was crazy if I did something similar. I believe though that making a marriage work long term is down to hard work and a bit of luck whether you’ve known each other five minutes or five years. I don’t think there’s a right way to do it anymore to ensure you stand the test of time.

Women no longer have to marry young to have financial stability nor do they have to stay with a man because they rely on him for everything. We have our own careers and money now so marriage is less forced, it’s more of a choice now. So we can do things in our own time and own way.

I hope regardless of how long I’ve known someone I’ll know if the relationship is right or not and have the courage to give my whole heart to it and try to make it work. Maybe there are no happily ever afters anymore but I don’t think we should give up searching for them.

What do you think it the best length of time to wait until you get married? What really makes a marriage last the distance?

Vix
xx

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34 thoughts on “Is there a right way to marry?”

  1. I’ll be the first to admit that I want my own happily ever after… I am starting to wonder if the “right” man is out there for me AND if he is how in the world am I gonna meet this special fella. At nearly 33 I’m not sure how or when it will happen … who knows maybe it’s not meant for me. I am still hopeful though.

    I think marriages are too easily given up on these days. One party becomes unhappy in the marriage & seeks happiness elsewhere or resentment sets in or things aren’t discussed. Marriages take time, honesty, commitment & communication in addition to love. Lots of hardwork is needed to make it work and withstand the test of time & troubles.

    1. I wonder that all the time too hun, hopefully there’s two amazing men out there for us! I think you’re right, it’s easy to quit when it gets tough but you have to try and work through it together.

  2. I think that it is less about length of relationship and more about marrying for the right reasons. If you get married because you want to be married, that’s not a good reason. If you get married because you want to try to be with this person for a long term, and to support each other no matter what comes in the relationship–that’s a better reason. If you get married because you think “happily ever after’–not a good reason (marriage does not mean happiness all the time). If you get married because you are two people who are strong as individuals but even stronger as a couple–good reason.

    See what I mean?

    Lisa

  3. My friend in the search for true happiness. There is no roadmap to perfection and the blueprints to eternal and pure love were lost after we decided to taste the apple(Garden of Eden)
    To strive for the perfect relationship is what makes humans so unique. It is out there…and it is waiting.
    I believe from what I have seen with obviously happy long term relationships or marriage…is patience.
    Sometimes a person in a relationship matures a little quicker or adjusts much faster than the other. Sometimes it is harder to be a step ahead than a step behind.
    But…what do I know…I am writing this alone…
    hugs
    Jaye

  4. I don’t think it matters how long you’ve dated someone. I’ve known people who were together ten years, got married, and then divorced within a year of marriage. I also know someone who got engaged after dating for two weeks, married two months later and have been married for 26 years. I dated my hubby for almost two years, and this year will be our 29th wedding anniversary. I think marriage is all about love, acceptance, and communication. You also must learn to be flexible, it’s not about who is right or wrong…and both people must be willing to work at the relationship. My husband line is that it is not about giving 50/50…it’s about giving 100/100….you must be devoted to making the marriage work.

  5. hello!
    my husband said once that you need to know a person through the 4 seasons before deciding if you want to get married! i like this perspective. We are a strong couple, married for the 9th year now, we have gone against the traditional path, coming form 2 different religious group. But our love to each other gave us strength to fight for our relationship, and so far it has been a great ride! A good marriage is based in my opinion on: respect of each other, lots of love to each other, comprise, forgiveness, understanding. Also it is important to have own friends, own space. a couple is made of 2 separate persons, and should remain like that…:)

  6. I’ve been in a relationship with my now husband for 4 1/2 years. I knew he could potentially have everything I could wish for in a husband within weeks. I was ready for him to pop the question after 2 years. We wanted to be financially secure in our careers before we said I do. We did not live together before we were married. My beliefs are very untraditional, but the way that my life has unraveled, I went a very traditional route. He has his guys & I have my girls and our separate interests. We share our interests with each other, but are very much our own people. We also take a very active interest in eachother’s families. I think you need attraction, similar values, & a sense of humor.

  7. Here comes the expert’s answer πŸ˜€
    I knew very, very early on that this is it. To the point that after barely a year I knew I wanted to have his baby – and I disliked babies before. He felt the same (apparently).
    And look at us now…

  8. For someone who’s been celibate all her life, I have had dreams of getting married, having kids, etc. Now I’m just interested in finding my older male (over 40) and being in a long, loving relationship. The marriage and the kids thing will just be a bonus now! πŸ™‚

    oooh, good topic for me to write about (just thinking about it)…!

    x

  9. Hubby and I dated for a month than we moved in together. We lived together for a year and 5 months before we got married. We are going on 6 years of marriage. Marriage is really about understandings, communication, and commitment. There is ups and downs, but you have to hang through the hard times to get the best times. If you want it to work; and your significant other wants it to work, than it WILL work. πŸ™‚

  10. This is a realm where I . . . have a really hard time finding words, and then find they’re neither eloquent nor informative. I’ve been living with Ba.D. for two years today, but I’m still not too certain about the whole “marriage” question. It’s not about him, that; it’s about my own deep discomfiture with marriage. Some days, I think I’m ready to consider the question. Other days, I listen to the two voicemails I have left from my mom (“It’s not so far to Nevada, honey!”), and wish I’d had it in me to marry while she was still alive.

  11. Ah, marriage. I think it takes quite a long time to get to know someone, then when you move in with them, you have to learn about them all over again. I definitely wouldn’t get married after just a month or even after a whole year. I would really have to feel the other person out.

  12. I don’t think the length has anything to do with it. In a matter of 6 months we met, movied in together, got engaged, and married. We are 5 years together and 4 1/2 years married and still going strong. He knows me better than I know myself. People said we weren’t going to last, but if I cared what people think, then my life would theirs not mine. Here is my story: http://jsh0608.wordpress.com/2011/06/15/how-it-all-started/ I have known or know ones that got married because they got pregnant or got someone else pregnant and that marriage is really rocky. I know someone when they get in a fight they (both parties) throw out the big ‘d’ word. I know this one couple. They have only been together, no marriage, with lots of kids and they are happier then the ones that are married. As I say to each their own. I’ve heard somewhere. Marriage is like a job. You have to work for your relationship. If you can’t do that, then why get married or stay with that person to begin with. Great post. :0)

  13. I went out with my husband for the first time around Christmas and we were married in Sept. That’s 9 months for us. I think it’s different for everyone. In Sept. we’ll be married 14 years. I think the important thing to understand is that marriage is work. It’s not always easy to maintain a good relationship, but it’s worth it.

  14. I think a lot of it depends on age/maturity. Christopher and I started dating when I had just turned 17 and he was 18. We started talking marriage pretty quickly and within a year decided that we wanted to get married. We started premarital counseling and realized that we just weren’t ready for that kind of responsibility yet. So we decided to wait until after we graduated college. So we dated 4 years and got married 3 months after we graduated college when I was 21 and he was 22. So still incredibly young in the world’s eyes, but honestly it was perfect for us. I’m so glad that we didn’t get married in college because we didn’t have to worry about the responsibilities of a spouse and were able to experience dorm life with our best friends.

    Had we gotten married at 18 we would’ve been fine. But I think we would’ve faced more problems as we grew up. The two of us are so different today than we were when we first started dating. Those college years are so formative and we are just grateful that we grew together and not apart. Aaanyway, the point of all of this is to say that we dated 4 years and are coming up on 3 years of marriage this summer and our marriage has been bliss. Mostly because we’re best friends and we communicate about everything. πŸ™‚

    On the flip side, my sister dated a guy for a month, got engaged and then married him 6 months later. They’ve been married 9 years and have two gorgeous kids. They are just as happy today as they were 9 years ago when they got married. πŸ™‚ She was 20 and he was 27.

    Communication, commitment to each other, and being willing to compromise are so vital to the marriage and I think that whether you date a week or a decade before marriage, those three are integral to a successful marriage. πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks for sharing Rach, sounds like you were both really sensible and got to have some fun at college first, which is great. Communication is important for sure!

  15. Hmm…you have relationships in mind, don’t you my Friend? I think it just depends on the people. Each day is a commitment, and a lot of times people change over the years, some folks grow together and others grow apart. I don’t think that people should feel guilty for that, you really can’t foretell that too much, if it’s time to move on, just let it go, it causes less problems I think. Maybe it’s just that a relationship runs it’s course. I don’t think my ideas are traditional, but I think we have to think about the individual as well as the individual partnerships. But then I hear older folks saying you have to make the effort, and I agree, but if it doesn’t work then it’s better to separate. Honestly, I really don’t know. Now you’ve got me thinking about it….

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